Back from the dead

Well... it certainly has been a while... there are no really good excuses, but plenty of bad ones, so let's just move on to an update, shall we?

My growth as an artist and my growth as a spiritual being are inseparably linked. Two years ago, when I first joined the meditation circle that would change my life, I soon after embarked on a path to unblock myself creatively, a 12 week course called The Artist's Way. I cannot even begin to fully explain how that book/course/journey changed me and my life for the better. Since then, I have left the meditation circle and, together with Sarah and some friends, formed an active neopagan/spiritual circle that meets for Sabbats and has temporarily filled the void of the circle. But it lacks the oomph that the circle had- the sacred weekly routine, the energy, the constant facing of dreams and fears and perpetual self-discovery. I have missed that.

I have continued to grow as a writer, however. Every day I am amazed at the patterns in myself and other authors that I recognize, the obstacles we create and maneuver around, the mystery of creativity. Looking at my art as an act of worship, I have been unable to remain blocked for very long, and the blocks I do encounter are transparent or ludicrous (I don't know if she should have red hair or brown hair. How can I write the rest of this novel if I don't know what my main character looks like? ::whine::). I am grateful for my growth.

But, as you've noticed a lack of entries here, in a shared blog of two spiritual adventurers, I've been missing out on the sacredness of this life- outside of writing. Last weekend we held an open Litha ritual that was the most wonderful, powerful ritual yet, and I touched Divinity once again that afternoon, fingers running through soft, familiar grasses, shoulders drenched in sunlight. I am stable as a writer once again, passionate and creative, at the height of my strength like the height of the sun that day, but a balance must constantly be striven for. True, writing is my life, but I am much more than that. I am a daughter, friend, sister, student, warrior, and lover as well as an artist, and one day I hope to consider myself a priestess.

Prayer, an act that once seemed laughable and foolish to me in my too-cool-for-school youth, has been begging at my lips for a voice. I am teeming with unspoken gratitude, love, and compassion that I have become desperate to share with Divinity. On the downswing of the wheel of the year I am reaffirming my beliefs, setting my feet firmly upon my path, and, slow and steady like the Bull I am, discovering myself, Spirit, and all the Gods amidst the magic and mayhem of our irrational world.

~Madeline

On Balance (again)

In the previous post, Madeline mentions that balance is essential... something that I completely and wholeheartedly agree with, based on all of the experience this transient existence has given me. How strange, sometimes, that you can be such a spiritual person... and then get hit with a spiritual two by four. If you will. ;D

I pushed myself too much, recently - too much was going on, and I was too overwhelmed, and though I am *very* good at dealing with stress - I'm human, and - as such - far from perfect. I knew I was pushing myself too much, and I know what happens when I do... my immune system caved, and I got a very nasty cold.

I spent Ostara in bed, sniffling and feeling generally miserable - so miserable in fact that the coven Madeline and myself founded had to push back the Ostara celebration from last Saturday to this Sunday! I felt miserable and guilty and generally horrible about it all...

Until I realized I was helping no one - least of all myself. And hey! It didn't matter to the people closest to me... the ones who mattered.

I firmly believe that I am a Priestess of the Goddess in all the things I do - and I know that the Goddess does not want me pushing myself to the very ends of my ropes. After all, She only gives me what I can deal with - nothing more... and then She lays the pieces of the puzzle before me. And I can be evolved and solve it instantaneously... or need that spiritual two by four.

Could I have had lessons taught to me if I hadn't gotten sick? Probably. Would they have been as long lasting...? Probably not. Everything happens for a reason - everyone and everything continues to evolve and change... everything is mutable - everything is shifting and growing... just like the coming spring.

So I stand at the threshold of the season - both feet planted firmly beneath me... balanced. :)

~Sarah

Balance

As an artist, mundane activities are rarely mundane for me. Always, there is poetry in the glint of light off of a windshield, or the splatter of unknown liquids on the pavements; music in the muffled sounds in the stairwell of my apartment building, or the honking of seals in the zoo across the road. And yet, sometimes, contrary to my Taurean nature, weekly routine and a well laid path can drive me crazy. The seeds of my frustration are buried in schoolwork and classes, in buraucracy and poor communication, all of which are obstacles in the way of all that I really want: time, to write, and to make art.

I found myself in a particularly vicious pit of frustration this weekend, as unexpected free time could have afforded me an opportunity to write. But, the problem was that I could not decide what to write. I could not decide because I was afraid that I was not ready to work on one project or another, and if I began that I would ruin it straight off. So, unable to decide, I accomplished nothing. Already, in the midst of the holiday weekend, I was forgetting the equinox just recently passed and the lesson it was supposed to remind me of: balance. I slept that day, sleep that I desperately needed. Could I see that at the time? No. I was so intent on constantly moving forward that rest was not even an option.

Balance is essential, even in the stubbornly, aggressively driven (such as I can be on occasion). Having a dream and manifesting that dream is a sacred pursuit, and deserves attention and energy, but not so much that you begin to lose focus on the rest of your world. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience, but the body and brain are physical things that must be cared for, not exhausted.


So, this season of Ostara, I will be sure to keep its lessons in mind. While fertility abounds, it is only after a long (in Buffalo, loooooooong) winter during which the natural world has slumbered deeply. I can't keep pushing forward, from one novel to the next, all the while living a second life as a student with completely different responsibilities and priorities. I need time for myself, and for sacred moments, and for divine play.

Daily meditation would be a good idea... only who has time for that? ;p

~Madeline