Back from the dead

Well... it certainly has been a while... there are no really good excuses, but plenty of bad ones, so let's just move on to an update, shall we?

My growth as an artist and my growth as a spiritual being are inseparably linked. Two years ago, when I first joined the meditation circle that would change my life, I soon after embarked on a path to unblock myself creatively, a 12 week course called The Artist's Way. I cannot even begin to fully explain how that book/course/journey changed me and my life for the better. Since then, I have left the meditation circle and, together with Sarah and some friends, formed an active neopagan/spiritual circle that meets for Sabbats and has temporarily filled the void of the circle. But it lacks the oomph that the circle had- the sacred weekly routine, the energy, the constant facing of dreams and fears and perpetual self-discovery. I have missed that.

I have continued to grow as a writer, however. Every day I am amazed at the patterns in myself and other authors that I recognize, the obstacles we create and maneuver around, the mystery of creativity. Looking at my art as an act of worship, I have been unable to remain blocked for very long, and the blocks I do encounter are transparent or ludicrous (I don't know if she should have red hair or brown hair. How can I write the rest of this novel if I don't know what my main character looks like? ::whine::). I am grateful for my growth.

But, as you've noticed a lack of entries here, in a shared blog of two spiritual adventurers, I've been missing out on the sacredness of this life- outside of writing. Last weekend we held an open Litha ritual that was the most wonderful, powerful ritual yet, and I touched Divinity once again that afternoon, fingers running through soft, familiar grasses, shoulders drenched in sunlight. I am stable as a writer once again, passionate and creative, at the height of my strength like the height of the sun that day, but a balance must constantly be striven for. True, writing is my life, but I am much more than that. I am a daughter, friend, sister, student, warrior, and lover as well as an artist, and one day I hope to consider myself a priestess.

Prayer, an act that once seemed laughable and foolish to me in my too-cool-for-school youth, has been begging at my lips for a voice. I am teeming with unspoken gratitude, love, and compassion that I have become desperate to share with Divinity. On the downswing of the wheel of the year I am reaffirming my beliefs, setting my feet firmly upon my path, and, slow and steady like the Bull I am, discovering myself, Spirit, and all the Gods amidst the magic and mayhem of our irrational world.

~Madeline

Acceptance is not Resignation

On the day of the New Moon this past weekend, I went through a radical transformation in less than 24 hours. I had gotten myself rather depressed by struggling with a mysterious ailment, and recalling all kinds of mysterious ailments that had incapacitated me in some way in my life. I resented those things, and resisted them, to the point where all I could think about was the ailments. I was playing victim.

"Why does the Universe hate me?" I whined, believing for a moment that these were curses instead of the lessons I know they must be. So I went for a walk, a feat in and of itself since the current suspect ailment had been chronic fatigue since the beginning of February.

I have the luck of living across the street from the city zoo, and a huge park. Walking around the park, you can see the bison, and beyond them several species of monkeys. Something stirred in me when I stopped by the bison that day. I stared into the eyes of one, and I felt as if it were communicating with me. I wanted desperately to be on the other side of that fence, to stroke and coddle the huge beast. I love animals, and they love me. And I believe that was what triggered change in me that day.

I moved along the path, past many dogs (and their owners) and restrained myself from stopping and petting each one. During the walk, however, I began to get passionate, determined, something just on the other side of stubborn. I felt the world around me in a subtle, grounding way, as if roots shot out from my feet and clung to the core of the earth, while a golden hand from heaven rested on my shoulder. I felt a part of everything, and found myself wanting to dissolve- not to escape, but to truly be one with all. It was, for lack of a better word, weird.

At the end of the day, I was ok. I had accepted that there were strange lessons in my life that I was in the process of learning, and that the only way to rid myself of the problems were to stop resisting them and confront them; stop fighting them, and heal myself, body and soul.

The next day I was not tired at all. And the next. And the next. And today. I filmed a movie, wrote a paper, began working on a new novel... I don't know if it's because of my realization, or because of the beautiful weather we've been having (finally), but it doesn't matter. My resolve remains: to take care of myself, and to stop resisting the negative vibrations that come into my life. Interestingly enough, the Bison correlates to all those lessons learned ;D

Also, I want a cat as soon as possible ;p

~Madeline

Renewal

One of the most exciting things about consciously following a spiritual path is how aware one becomes, especially to the constant changes in ourself and our life. Spring, while being a time to reflect on balance, is also a time of cleansing and change for the better. While it is sometimes difficult to achieve those ends (the body cleansing often manifests as illness, and the soul cleansing can manifest in mood swings or other instabilities) we must keep the end in mind when we find ourselves in the midst of the cleansing frenzy. Taking responsibility is much healthier than blaming yourself for the mess you have to fight through in order to achieve renewal.

This month I am wrapping up the semester, and it has been a bland and irritable one. I would like to look at this month as a cleansing month, cleansing myself of the unwanted projects that detract from the time and energy I have to put into the things that I am passionate about. I am cleansing myself of the professors whose classes did not meet my expectations. I am cleansing myself of the papers and assignments I have let build up in my mind through persistent procrastination during the cold and motivation-sapping months of winter. I look to the end and travel through this month begging for renewal of my spring and summer self.

April is the last stretch of a long cold journy, but it is tempered with warm days and occasional thunderstorms that lift my spirits through the generally sunless weeks. We have rounded a bend, but we're not out of the transformational stages just yet. Patience and persistence are needed to land us safely on the shores of renewal. But when we arrive... there will be no mistaking it.

~Madeline

On Balance (again)

In the previous post, Madeline mentions that balance is essential... something that I completely and wholeheartedly agree with, based on all of the experience this transient existence has given me. How strange, sometimes, that you can be such a spiritual person... and then get hit with a spiritual two by four. If you will. ;D

I pushed myself too much, recently - too much was going on, and I was too overwhelmed, and though I am *very* good at dealing with stress - I'm human, and - as such - far from perfect. I knew I was pushing myself too much, and I know what happens when I do... my immune system caved, and I got a very nasty cold.

I spent Ostara in bed, sniffling and feeling generally miserable - so miserable in fact that the coven Madeline and myself founded had to push back the Ostara celebration from last Saturday to this Sunday! I felt miserable and guilty and generally horrible about it all...

Until I realized I was helping no one - least of all myself. And hey! It didn't matter to the people closest to me... the ones who mattered.

I firmly believe that I am a Priestess of the Goddess in all the things I do - and I know that the Goddess does not want me pushing myself to the very ends of my ropes. After all, She only gives me what I can deal with - nothing more... and then She lays the pieces of the puzzle before me. And I can be evolved and solve it instantaneously... or need that spiritual two by four.

Could I have had lessons taught to me if I hadn't gotten sick? Probably. Would they have been as long lasting...? Probably not. Everything happens for a reason - everyone and everything continues to evolve and change... everything is mutable - everything is shifting and growing... just like the coming spring.

So I stand at the threshold of the season - both feet planted firmly beneath me... balanced. :)

~Sarah

Balance

As an artist, mundane activities are rarely mundane for me. Always, there is poetry in the glint of light off of a windshield, or the splatter of unknown liquids on the pavements; music in the muffled sounds in the stairwell of my apartment building, or the honking of seals in the zoo across the road. And yet, sometimes, contrary to my Taurean nature, weekly routine and a well laid path can drive me crazy. The seeds of my frustration are buried in schoolwork and classes, in buraucracy and poor communication, all of which are obstacles in the way of all that I really want: time, to write, and to make art.

I found myself in a particularly vicious pit of frustration this weekend, as unexpected free time could have afforded me an opportunity to write. But, the problem was that I could not decide what to write. I could not decide because I was afraid that I was not ready to work on one project or another, and if I began that I would ruin it straight off. So, unable to decide, I accomplished nothing. Already, in the midst of the holiday weekend, I was forgetting the equinox just recently passed and the lesson it was supposed to remind me of: balance. I slept that day, sleep that I desperately needed. Could I see that at the time? No. I was so intent on constantly moving forward that rest was not even an option.

Balance is essential, even in the stubbornly, aggressively driven (such as I can be on occasion). Having a dream and manifesting that dream is a sacred pursuit, and deserves attention and energy, but not so much that you begin to lose focus on the rest of your world. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience, but the body and brain are physical things that must be cared for, not exhausted.


So, this season of Ostara, I will be sure to keep its lessons in mind. While fertility abounds, it is only after a long (in Buffalo, loooooooong) winter during which the natural world has slumbered deeply. I can't keep pushing forward, from one novel to the next, all the while living a second life as a student with completely different responsibilities and priorities. I need time for myself, and for sacred moments, and for divine play.

Daily meditation would be a good idea... only who has time for that? ;p

~Madeline

Merry Ostara~!

On this day of days there is equal light and equal darkness... today is the Vernal Equinox, the first day of spring. Peoples since the dawn of time have celebrated in this span of twenty-four hours; a balance that rings true to our bones, and a joy that is unbound. Winter is gone, long live spring!

Where I am now, two inches of snow fell last night. This morning, I awoke and walked the dogs in a silvery light of white and cold and breath frozen in the air. Yet all around me, I heard the birds and the "drip, drip, drip" of melting snows, and the rush of sap in all our trees, and - beneath my feet - the wick running clean and true into every plant. They are waiting - waiting to spring from the earth into the golden, glorious sunlight.

Today, I celebrate renewal in all things - I celebrate the burgeoning life in the world all around me, and within my heart. Gone are the days of darkness, come are the days of light... the sun is returning to the world, and she brings laughter and joy with her.

I am Persephone, stepping up from the ground, leaving behind the bones of the earth in order to embrace her skin. There is green in and on and all around me, and I am flush with the excitement of new beginnings. Listen to the birds, voices raised exultant to sun and stars, listen to the world, turning to the new season. Listen to your heart as it beats - sure and strong.

Welcome, spring!

~Sarah

Ars Cultus

A new path has unfolded before me, one that has been taking shape for the past two years. I have always believed that an act of creation, anything that involves using the talents that you have been given, especially to make art, is like an act of worship. The gods create, the Universe creates, and so to imitate the Divine is the surest way to flatter it. Offering your work to the divine energy that inspired it is far more powerful than offering sacrifices. Why would this Universe, showering perpetual blessings upon us, while we must deal with our own problems... why would it ever ask for a sacrifice? What use do the cosmos have for physical things?

Art transcends its physical representation. It is inspired by and appreciated by the higher self. This is why art and all acts of creation are my way of living my faith, of worshiping without sacrifice, but yet still pouring my heart out and crafting beautiful things for the divine grace that offers their shapes to me.

The Art of Worship.

I am excited, now that I have fully awakened this sleepy idea inside of me, to see how I live it.

~Madeline